This isn’t like “woe is me, feel sorry for me” bullshit, this is me being completely honest, with myself as well.
I have tried my hand at a few things over the years, knitting, crafty stuff, clothes making, working in various different environments etc, etc and every single thing I put my mind to I was simply mediocre at. Not completely rubbish at most, but just not very good. I have never had a “thing”.
Until I had kids. Kids are my “thing”. I truly adore being a mum and I happen to think I am pretty good at it. So when someone inadvertently calls that into question, it makes me kinda (hopping) mad.
We had people over today, people who we are in the early stages of friendship with. The kind of early stages where you still watch what you say and bite your lip when they piss you off, hence why she left my house completely unscathed…
My tiniest tiny was not herself today, in fact for the last 2 weeks she has been out of sorts but today she was on particularly bad form. I don’t know exactly what it is, whether it is the readjustment after the holidays, or her back teeth or she just has a cold coming, either way she can be somewhat demanding when she feels unwell. As her mum I take it on the chin, I still refuse to pander to her screaming and demands, because then I am setting myself up for a future fail, but I will be more sympathetic to her cries and tend to take an easier approach to avoid a complete meltdown.
As our guests were about to leave, the following comments were made:-
“Seems like someone needs preschool to help them learn to share”
“She wouldn’t last 5 minutes with that attitude in my house, I just wouldn’t put up with it”
“Oh yes, she would have been put in bed a long time ago”…
Ummmmmm, wow. Just wow.
There are no words.
They left. I went on to tidy up the kitchen and make a coffee, put the oven on etc. Then came back to the office where Mr X was working.
“Wouldn’t last 5 minutes with that attitude???????” To which Mr X responded “I was waiting for that”.
“How dare they insinuate that my child is some sort of roughian yob with an attitutude problem??? How dare they insinuate that I am handling it wrong??? They have one child under one, they don’t know how hard it can be to try to parent three kids, especially when one of them is poorly???”
How dare they judge me?
Because that’s what it is. Whether it be intentional or not, they passed judgement upon me and my child. And without all the bravado and hard it masks that I like to wear, I can honestly say that it fucking hurt. It broke my heart. Being a mum is the one thing that I am happy to say that I am good at. I know I’ve made mistakes, I know I will continue to make them, I think that’s a good thing. It’s good for your children to see you make mistakes and fail sometimes, it teaches them how to learn from them and try differently next time.
I wonder, when her little one is older, whether her attitude may have been changed.
I wonder whether we will still be friends so I will get to see. I wonder whether she even realises that her flippant comment has caused me to call so much in to question.
I am an open person, I will happily discuss work, politics, TV and films. But my children and my parenting skills are not up for discussion.
I refuse to accept judgement from those who are not yet qualified to pass it on.
I am a good mum.
Mrs X xoxo